10 Year Anniversary

If you had told me 10 years ago that the very day of my 10 year wedding anniversary, I’d be flying to my house in Aruba

…with my husband and four year old child

…and that I’d not only know how to cook, but that I’d be a food blogger, be a contributor on a chef’s website, along with being a yoga teacher, and among many other job titles and roles, that I’d be a mother

…I would have laughed in your face.

And asked you to pour me another Kettle One on the rocks, extra cherries.  I was on a double-fisting liquid diet combined with maraschino cherries for many years.   And oh God, it sure was fun but I grew up and those days are long gone.

But no, really, I can’t believe it’s the day of my 10 year wedding anniversary.

In this post, I wrote about how we met, how we moved in together almost immediately, and then moved across the country together without knowing a soul.

I also talked about our $199 Las Vegas impromtu wedding, my hot pink Betsey Johnson “wedding” dress, my pink plastic gum-machine ring, and my plastic bouquet.

I gave some of my thoughts about what makes a marriage work and traits that can help make marriage work.  Here’s a cut and paste of those:

“I am not an expert, but after 9 years married and 10+ together, things that I think help make long term partnerships work are as follows. There are no guarantees, and this is not a complete list, but these things help give a union a better chance of survival:

A Sense of Humor
Open Communication
Not Lying/Being Truthful
Admitting when I’m Wrong
Saying I’m Sorry
Sacrifice
Rolling with Changes and accepting that People Change, Life Changes, Situations Change
Having Fun
Being each other’s Best Friend
Laughter
Listening
Showing Support for his Interests
Giving Space & Freedom to Pursue things that have nothing to do with Me or the Relationship
Showing Empathy
Showing Tough Love when needed
Respect
Admiration
Acceptance that no one is perfect
Tolerance for things that annoy me but I practice accepting them anyway
Patience
A little bit of luck that the person I married is sane and normal which helps a lot
Letting the little stuff slide as much as possible
Gratitude for our marriage and for Scott being in my life and being my life partner”

Go read the original post if you have a minute because it’s quite entertaining.

The past 10 years have had ups, downs, and sideways moments.  Marriage is hard work, it’s not always easy, it’s not always fun.  I will not say we are one of those couples who “never argues”.  Oh, we have and we do.

But we’ve also had our share of fabulous moments.  We have truly lived. We did everything together before Skylar was born; we were joined at the hip when one of us wasn’t traveling for work.

In our free time, we traveled together from Napa Valley…

to St. John and underwater snorkeling trails.

We saw beautiful places and explored together.  We lived on a canyon with hot air balloons that flew overhead and sipped wine on our patio while we watched them go by.

 

We worked out together from yoga classes to running 5 and 10k’s to running half marathons together.

 

We got Scuba dive certified together.

 

We had dinners out, drinks out, parties out, and more going out moments than you can imagine.

Poseidon in Del Mar was a weekly fave for drinks and apps on the patio. 

It’s been a wild ride, full of adventure and passion, and we both like to live life to the fullest!

We don’t spend nearly the amount of time together that we used to.  A child, our jobs, life in general is just different, but Scott knows me better than anyone, he’s my best friend, and vice versa.

He has no idea it’s our anniversary.  I gave up getting bent out of shape that he forgets birthdays and anniversaries years ago and we don’t exchange gifts anyway.  I know he loves me, even if he forgets certain dates. Truly, I don’t even care anymore!

Here’s to another decade, with happy times and more memories to be made.  Hopefully starting when we land in Aruba!

Happy Anniversary, Scott! (For his job reasons, I don’t post pictures of him on my blog and unfortunately, I never used to take a fraction of the pictures that I do now, so I don’t have many snapshots of life 5-10 years ago, and what I do have, is not digital.)

From my last post about Contributing & Superstitious, thanks for the kind words on my new gigYes, I’m excited! And Holly told me that Marcus won Top Chef Masters and he cooked for President ObamaWow!

I hope that Friday the 13th went just dandy for those of you who are superstitious, too.

Questions:

1. Have you ever been married?  Or what’s the longest relationship you’ve been in?

I cannot believe I’ve been with Scott for a third of my life!  I was young when I got married, and everyone said it wouldn’t last.

That he was too old for me (he’s 17 years older than I am) and that he was going through a midlife crisis and I was looking for a father figure.

That we didn’t know each other well enough to have gotten married so soon and that it was just “a phase”.

Well, I guess we proved them all wrong because it did last. 

2. What are your top relationship tips?  What advice or tips have worked for you?

Basically just realizing that sh*t happens, and not getting too bent out of shape about it, being able to forgive and forget, and just knowing he has my back and is not trying to piss me off in those stressful moments, those are things I remember when the going gets tough.

You read some my other tips in the body of the post.

Any you want to share?

3. What are your favorite relationship memories?  When you think about your current (or past) relationships, what do you remember fondly?

The biggest things that I miss, and remember extremely fondly, is just having unstructured time together and goofing off.

Going out without having to “plan” for it, going out drinking, sitting around on the couch watching episodes of the Bachelor and American Idol together, working out every day together, I miss those things, tremendously.  But hey, I have the memories and this phase of life isn’t forever and we will get back to some of those things, too.

Happy Decade, Scott!

(I will make sure he reads this post since he rarely reads my blog)

   

117 Responses to “10 Year Anniversary”

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    Christine (The Raw Project) — May 14, 2011 at 8:14 am

    Wow, hard to imagine you as a hard core party gal, life takes interesting paths! Happy anniversary! Cute post!

    1. Yes, we’ve been married for just under two years, but together for over 13.
    2. Stop trying to figure out what your perfect match is before you even meet someone and be ready to accept the challenges.
    3. Having more fun together when were were young and had more time, we traveled a lot and took many weekend vacations in Florida.

    Reply

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    laurie — May 14, 2011 at 8:29 am

    We just celebrated 30 years of marriage and I couldn’t feel more blessed! I just turned 50 so I got married really young (the day after I turned 20!). Together we’ve lived in 6 countries and raised 4 children and traveled to over 100 countries. I can honestly say that being married to my best friend has been the joy of my life. My 22-year-old daughter often says, “Mom, you are so lucky! I want what you and Daddy have”. I have to remind her that it isn’t “luck”. We work at being our best selves for each other every day. The secret to a happy marriage is simple: strive to meet each other’s needs. If your needs are being met, you will feel like you are in a very happy marriage – and you are! Happy Anniversary!!!

    Reply

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    Jessica @ Dairy Free Betty — May 14, 2011 at 9:16 am

    Happy Anniversary!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) Congrats!!!
    Beautiful post too!! Being married is a special feeling!! Knowing that someone chooses you, and that you choose them forever, so awesome!

    Hope you are enjoying the sun with your hubby and the gorgeous Skylar!!

    Reply

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    Megan@eatmybeets — May 14, 2011 at 9:35 am

    Congratulations!! What an accomplishment. This was a wonderful post. :)

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    Chantal — May 14, 2011 at 10:25 am

    Happy Anniversay! And wow Averie, thanks so much for posting this… I know you were just doing a recap of your past 10 years, but hearing more of your story meant so much to me, especially in the place I am right now!

    The biggest thing for me is to know that there are other happy and functional “age-disparate” couples out there outside of my own relationship. I have to admit that sometimes it’s been really hard for me to deal with other people’s comments and opinions (especially from close friends and family). I met my husband when I was just about to turn 19, and we are 21 years apart, and it’s not something I mention often because of the reactions I get. From the moment we saw each other, we just knew. I moved in with him within a week of our first kiss, and were handfasted within 6 months and have been together ever since (that was 5 years ago). We’ve had a rough patch over the past year because of me but like you said, when you’re committed, you work through it with love. We’re still going strong, and I know that no matter what people may have said or will say, we were meant to be together and we work so well together. Long story short, thanks for having shared that :)

    Have an awesome trip!

    Reply

    • Desi@ThePalatePeacemaker replied: — May 14th, 2011 at 10:34 am

      Chantal, I second your entire post! Wow, it is so nourishing to me to hear about “other happy and functional ‘age-disparate’ couples out there.” Age-ism can be a battle with so much prejudice around us, but to simply know there are others like us is the very best affirmation!

      Reply

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    Desi@ThePalatePeacemaker — May 14, 2011 at 10:29 am

    Averie,
    I cannot express how much this post means to me on a very personal level. My boyfriend (also coincidentally named Scott) is also significantly older than I am and throughout our relationship, we’ve faced the very same judgments and opposition that it sounds like you have. We know we are going to spend the rest of our lives together, but even now after 4 years, we can’t help laughing when we think about how we’re proving (and will continue to prove) everyone else wrong, too. Happy Anniversary! I am so happy for you both! And thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing your story. You are an inspiration to me…
    xo
    Desi

    Reply

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    Maryea {Happy Healthy Mama} — May 14, 2011 at 10:56 am

    Happy 10 years to you! I hope you have an amazing time on your vacation.

    I am married–it will be 5 years this summer. :-) I agree with your tips for a great relationship. I think keeping the intimacy alive is also super important. At least that sure helps my husband and me!

    Reply

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    Mary (What's Cookin' with Mary) — May 14, 2011 at 11:09 am

    Brian & I will be celebrating our 3 year anneversary this June, but I have known him for 1/2 of my life! (We first met when I was 15 & I’ll be 30 this year.) We were friends for YEARS and when I was 23 & he was 31, we fell in love and the rest is history. I feel so blessed to be married to my best friend :D !! Your list of ‘better chance of survival’ is spot on Averie. I couldn’t agree with you more. We’ve got some vacation time planned at the end of the month and the plan is to have no plan. We’re going to pack for a nice dinners out, bike rides along the coast, hikes in Big Sur and then see where to road takes us with no hotels or activities planned/ lined up. I’M SO EXCITED :D Enjoy your much needed vacation together and happy anneversary to you and Scott!!

    Reply

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    chelsey @ clean eating chelsey — May 14, 2011 at 11:17 am

    Happy anniversary!

    Reply

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    Aja — May 14, 2011 at 11:30 am

    Happy anniversary and enjoy your vacation!
    Time moves fast, doesn’t it? I can barely imagine what will happen to me in the next 10 years, but I’m sure that when I get there and think back on everything and how the me now would react, it’d probably be the same way you would have.
    Have a great time.

    Reply

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    Moni'sMeals — May 14, 2011 at 11:53 am

    AWW! Happy Anniversay!! Lovely post. :)
    Congrats and live it up and love it up!

    I am on year 11! woohoo!

    Reply

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    Leslie — May 14, 2011 at 11:59 am

    Aww that was a sweet post! Happy Anniversary!

    Reply

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    April @ Grits & Granola Bars — May 14, 2011 at 12:10 pm

    I got married when I was 17 :) We had a really quick relationship, too! He proposed about a month after we began dating, and two months after that we got married. We celebrated 5 years of marriage in February of this year. :) I definitely didn’t expect to be married and have two kids by 23 but here I am, haha.

    Reply

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    Steven — May 14, 2011 at 1:14 pm

    Wow! Congrats for those ten years Averie…you go girl.
    I have been reading and loving your blog for quite a while now, and relish seeing your love for your daughter Skylar.
    I myself, am a grandfather and lucky to have found my soulmate third wife ten years ago.
    I am blessed.
    Most of my recent attraction to your blog stems from the fact that after raising our two gorgeous grandchildren for the first six years of their lives, and giving all that we could give, our youngest boy and his new wife decided to just abruptly cut off from both the precious ones, because my wife and I are both smokers.
    No discussion, no compromise, nothing…
    Six months now without a word.
    I would have easily changed my lifestyle any way I needed to, just to still had them both in my life.
    So, finally I try to resign myself to the fact that I cannot be a part of their life anymore.
    I just cannot imagine telling MY parents that, oh, by the way, you will never see your grandkids again.
    BUT, Averie, your writings do bring immense joy to my life at this time, because it is so nice to witness how much you love your Skylar.
    She reminds me of my Isabelle and Isiah. :o)
    Thanks for hearing me out and have a fabulous Aruba!!

    Reply

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    Tiina McKay — May 14, 2011 at 1:28 pm

    Yay! Congrats on 10 years and Happy Anniversary! What a wonderful way to celebrate!! And I LOVE your list, all so very true.

    The hubby and I have only been married 2 years so we’re still relatively new to all of this :) But we were together for 4 years prior to getting hitched. We also have a 18 month old son (named Scott :)) so our lives have changed dramatically! Actually today is our first date in over a year!!

    Also, quick question… is Scott also vegan/vegetarian? And if not, how do you cook meals at home? My hubs eats a ton of meat and I eat mainly vegan (although I’m not even vegetarian) and I find myself cooking separate meals often or just giving up and eating something I’d rather not. Just kind of struggling with preparing meals and wondered if you have any good advice!

    Enjoy your trip and get some sleep (I read in a previous post you only sleep 4 hours! Crazy!!)!

    Reply

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    Ela — May 14, 2011 at 1:29 pm

    Happy Anniversary to both of you! What great timing for your trip. I remember that old post about how to make a relationship work and love everything that you say. Relationships take work, and there are times when you’re joined at the hip and times when you’re ships in the night, but you still love each other and make it work–and the more diversity of ways of interaction you have, the more flexible and versatile the relationship.

    Sounds like you have an awesome one.
    Phil and I have been married 2 and a half years, together for three. We got some of those same comments you mentioned because he’s almost 30 yrs older than me. I worry a little about our different approaches to healthcare (he’s hurt his back and is living on aspirin and looking for something stronger) but all I can do is love him and trust him to do his best by his own lights.

    I think letting go of the small stuff as much as possible and focusing on love and support is huge.

    Love how you said he has no idea it’s your anniversary! Seems like it’s more of a guy thing not to know.
    Have a great celebration.
    love
    Ela

    Reply

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    Crystal — May 14, 2011 at 1:46 pm

    This is so wonderful! Happy Anniversary, Averie.

    Reply

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    tasha — May 14, 2011 at 2:18 pm

    Happy Anniversary and Congratulations!
    The hubby and I didn’t have many relationship supporters either…we were too young (18 & 21), we hadn’t been together long enough to know if we were each other’s “ones” (married 17 after the first date), I was looking for a father for my daughter (she was 6mos old when we met) and he didn’t know any better, blah blah blah

    We’ll be celebrating 12 years of marriage in October. :)

    Have fun in Aruba!

    Reply

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    carin — May 14, 2011 at 2:30 pm

    i want to see wedding pictures!

    Reply

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    Lindsay Loves Veggies — May 14, 2011 at 2:38 pm

    Wow! Congratuations! 10 years is awesome!!!
    I’m currently in the longest relationship of my life, which is going on 9 months. (I’m 24, give me a break!)
    It’s amazing and I would definitely say that honesty, open communication and being best friends is what makes it continue to work, even through the struggles. When you know that your relationship is more important than anything else and you live by that rule, then it will last.

    Reply

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    Bethany @ Bananas for Smoothies — May 14, 2011 at 2:40 pm

    Congrats Averie! My hubby and I just celebrated our 10-year anniversary last month! In many ways, our marriages have been very similar. We traveled a lot and saw the world before adopting our 2-year-old son in 2009. Have a wonderful time in Aruba!!

    Reply

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    Beth — May 14, 2011 at 2:44 pm

    Happy anniversary to you & Scott. It sure sounds like you have just about done everything and enjoyed every moment. Skylar is blessed to have parents like you.

    Enjoy Aruba!

    Reply

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    Jenny (Fit Girl Foodie) — May 14, 2011 at 2:58 pm

    Happy Anniversary!!! I love that you wrote about you and your husband and your 17 year difference. My bf is 13 yrs older than me and ppl think I’m making a mistake by being with him. This post just gives me more hope than ever before. It is hard because sometimes I feel like we are in such different chapters of our lives but we get along so well that it just cliques :D

    Reply

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    Kate (What Kate is Cooking) — May 14, 2011 at 3:03 pm

    Happy anniversary! I’ve never been married, but I hope to find someone that I can share as many good experiences with as you and Scott have shared together :)

    Reply

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    hippierunner — May 14, 2011 at 3:32 pm

    Happy Anniversary to you two! I hope you have a wonderful time with your family and that you guys enjoy each other’s company for a trillion more years! :) I really love the list you made.

    Reply

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    Flo — May 14, 2011 at 3:54 pm

    Happy Anniversary to you both! Have a great time in Aruba!

    Reply

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    Tracy @ Commit to Fit — May 14, 2011 at 4:53 pm

    Happy Anniversary and have a fantastic vacation!

    Reply

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    Lauren — May 14, 2011 at 7:36 pm

    I know this is late but I’m just catching up on your recent posts–CONGRATS on such a milestone anniversary!!! My one year anniversary is coming up soon and I hope that in 9 years I can say all of these wonderful things that you are saying about your marriage! In this day and age, staying married for a decade is an amazing personal accomplishment, so I HEARTILY congratulate you on getting to where you are. I hope you have many more decades together! :)

    Reply

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    Michele Sparrow — May 14, 2011 at 9:32 pm

    Aww, Averie…congratulations on ten years together! HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO YOU AND SCOTT!! :-)

    I met my hubby in high school and we got married 4 years later so we have been married (next month) for 16 years, together for over 20. He is the love of my life and we have beautiful children together and our relationship now is better than it ever has been.

    I would say the best relationship advise I have gained is that we cannot change each other, nor should we try. Love each other for who he/she is and be willing to let go and let him/her just be. The best things come from that. The worst things come from trying to control another human being to fit some idea of who you think he/she should be.

    Have a fabulous vacation in Aruba! Would LOVE to go there!! One day, perhaps!! :-)

    Reply

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    Elizabeth — May 15, 2011 at 5:13 am

    Congratulations on your 10th anniversary! My husband and I have you beat with the age difference. Graham is 18 years older than me. We have been married for 17 years. Yes, relationships take work, even when you have found your soul mate. People keep growing and changing, interests may vary, life circumstances change, but there is something very satisfying about sharing this with someone special.

    Have fun in Aruba!

    Reply

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    Christin@purplebirdblog — May 15, 2011 at 11:33 am

    Happy Anniversary!!!!! The fact that you guys have accomplished so much is 10 years is such a blessing, and I love that you talk about how he’s your best friend! You deserve all the happiness in the world and many more lovely years together, my friend! xo

    Reply

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    Katie — May 15, 2011 at 1:22 pm

    I’m a little late, but happy anniversary, Avery! Gosh, 10 years? I have NO IDEA where I’ll be 10 years from now, and I go through waves of panicking and being okay with that. You have a wonderful life, with a wonderful family. I’m so happy for you :-)

    Reply

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    Katie — May 15, 2011 at 1:23 pm

    PS I think we were literally commenting at the same time. Creeeeepy.

    Reply

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    Jolene (www.everydayfoodie.ca) — May 15, 2011 at 2:58 pm

    Happy Anniversary to you and your husband!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Enjoy Aruba!

    Reply

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    Get Skinny, Go Vegan. — May 15, 2011 at 7:43 pm

    Congratulations!!
    You are living each moment.

    Reply

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    Sherri Ogg — May 16, 2011 at 10:44 am

    Congrats on your anniversary! My husband Joe and I have been married 3 1/2 years and this is the 3rd marriage for both of us. He is 8 years my senior (he’s 50 and I’m 42) and people said he’s only with me as his “arm candy” because he’s going through mid life crisis. I don’t care what people think as I love him with all I have and he feels the same with me. Our kids (6 total) are at the age where we can just go on impromptu dates. We also take off on our Harley on the weekends we don’t have kids and we feel like kids ourselves. Life is tough but love is strong.

    Reply

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    Kim — May 17, 2011 at 1:32 am

    HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!
    Hope you both had a lovely day! :D
    Enjoy your holiday in Aruba! Lucky things….

    Reply

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    Coco — May 18, 2011 at 5:56 am

    Congratulations! A decade of life together is something big to celebrate. I met my hubby also 10 years ago and can’t be happier of finding him!
    You two together have done so many incredible things together, so happy for you!

    Reply

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    Pancreatic Cancer Survival Rate — May 19, 2011 at 1:56 pm

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    Reply

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