From a Child’s Mouth


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Normally I don’t share too many of Skylar’s little quips, stories, and various entertaining bits that come out of her mouth, but she’s had so many gems lately that have had me in stitches. If I don’t write them down, they will be lost and forgotten forever.

She’s four years old and I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried.


So consider this as much for me and posterity as it is for you but I’m sure you’ll get a few chuckles.

1. We were at the pool earlier in the week and there was a man who was being loud and just generally obnoxious and disturbing the Zen.

Side of pool with chairs

He was a bit drunk and was telling loud, crass stories, and just one of those people who you wish would just zip it and enjoy the peace and quiet and beautiful day.  And let everyone else do the same.

Skylar grabbed our keys and walked over to the man and touched his arm with the keys.

Two keys on keychain

Scott jumped up and said, “Skylar we don’t put keys on people like that!”

And she said, “I know Dad, but I’m trying to turn this man off.

Everyone in earshot busted out in laughter, including the man’s wife.

2. She is obsessed with weddings, marriages, and brides.  One of the few channels we get in Aruba is the E! Channel and she’s just as excited about seeing the Kim & Kris Wedding re-run episodes every single time, as if it was the first time.

Every time she tells me, “Look Mom, Kim is getting married again!”

And I think to myself, yes, and the next time she does get married it will hopefully make for the third time’s a charm phenomenon.

3. Along with the wedding obsession, Skylar is also fascinated and intrigued about pregnancy, birth, babies, and reproduction in general.

She hasn’t actually asked how they are made or where they come from.

She knows that “Ladies grow them”, they “stay in for a long time and then they fall out”, and she tells me about the one boy and one girl she is going to have when she grows up and gets married.

Trust me when I say we don’t sit around looking at the latest issue of Brides Magazine with TLC’s Birth Story on in the background.  I really believe some of this stuff is just hard-wired in her.  She is just so drawn to weddings and babies; it’s unreal.

4. Not “funny” but shocking is when your child screams, “Awww, mom, look at the pregnant lady!  I bet she’s going to have her baby any day now.”

But the lady isn’t pregnant.


5. She has also told Scott and I many times over the past two weeks that we’re amazing parents, that she really really really loves us, and she’s so glad we take her to Aruba and go as a family.

We ooh and ahh and melt and tell her how much that means to us and that she’s an amazing little girl and that we love her, too.

We’re just about ready to wipe up our Hallmark tears up when she asks us for (more) dessert.  She has told me that she liked this one

Stack of chocolate saltine toffee

…better than this one

White chocolate peanut pretzel chocolate chip fudge

…but always finishes up her request with a very nonchalant, “It’s okay Mom, whatever you want to give me, I’m sure I’ll like it.”

Such a little dessert thief!


Do you have kids (or nieces, nephews, cousins, younger siblings, etc.) or are you around small children who say some really funny (or not so funny) things? 

If you can remember anything off the top of your head, I’d love to hear it.

Do you remember saying anything funny, off the wall, or wildly inappropriate as a child?

I think we all did.

My mother has said that when my sister was about three years old she apparently made a few choice remarks about someone’s size in the grocery line and why were they buying all that ice cream anyway.

Sometimes the things kids say make no sense whatsoever.  They’re kids, they have imaginations, and they just blabber and it’s very nonsensical.

Other times the things they say are rooted in honesty and common sense but they have no filter and just blurt out whatever is on their mind.  They blurt things out that adults wouldn’t, and it can be pretty priceless.

Case in point, the #1 in this post.  It was so spot on.  Turning him off; everyone in earshot of him was wishing for it but no had the balls the heart to tell the guy to zip it, please.

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  1. Four is such a fun age! I swear my Facebook statuses last year were DAILY filled with Izzy-isms. She has some funny things come out of her mouth, but four was by far the most hilarious! She’s five now and the funnies haven’t stopped. Just today she was playing her new camera & in her ramblings we heard, “Oh crap!” I was trying sooo hard not laugh, but I couldn’t help it! Then she kept saying, “Good Grease” and we couldn’t figure it out. Eventually we realized she was trying to say, “Good Grief”! LOL

  2. That 1st one is too funny, gotta love kids! When my younger cousin was 6 my aunt went to get her up for school and she said mommy I’m sick today and my aunt said what’s wrong to which she said I have pms lol!

  3. Awwwwwwweeee – Skylar is so cute!!!! Love the story about the man and the key – she is witty!

    My nephew cracks us up all the time, and always says the darnedest things. He is 4.

  4. Over the summer we had lots of bad storms here in the Northeast and one of them caused a tornado warning in the middle of the day.

    I work in a multifunctional community center, and the daycare/preschool is just on the other side of our office suite. Our suite is the only one without windows, so the safety plan is to huddle in the middle of our suite during these times.

    One of the kids asked the teacher “why are we in this big room?” And the teacher, surprisingly, said “there might be a tornado” and another little girl yelled “OH NO I’M AFRAID OF THE MUNCHKINS”

    I just about died laughing.

    Side note: no tornado. All kids safe.

  5. Great list, 1 is too funny! :-) I took my 2yo niece to a grocery store bathroom on a crowded Xmas shopping trip awhile back and she announced to the entire room that I was wearing Christmas panties.

    1. Lol. Sometimes Skylar screams when we’re in a public restroom, are you going poop or just pee, Mom? Classic.

  6. My nieces and nephews say the funniest things! The last one was my 8-year-old niece telling me “I have a boyfriend and he isn’t even my brother!” And I thought…well that’s certainly a good thing, lol.

    My 5-year-old nephew is the one who says things most often. But of course, I can’t seem to come up with one right now. Although, I do remember on Halloween he wanted to take his mask off and his mom asked him how people would know who he was. And he said “They’ll know I’m me. I’m still me, even if I’m wearing a mask.”

  7. Little kids are hilarious.
    One time when my nephews were 3 and 1, the 1 year-old farted and the 3 year-old said “poop it out mcshitty.” It was so funny.

  8. Love it!!!
    My kids have autism, so they don’t speak much. But one time my folks were visiting and my dad bought a bunch of cookies. My daughter took one and gave him a look that said, very clearly, “Touch my cookie and you’ll suffer!”
    Also, when my niece was little she was walking down the street with her parents. The guy in front of them had not only low-slung pants, but his underwear was slipping. Very loudly she said “I can see that guy’s butt crack!” My brother shushed her, and she protested, saying “But I used the scientific term!”

  9. Man they are so funny! And have such huge personalities at such a young age. My 4 year old niece recently said, “I have to tell you something head-splittingly awesome!” No clue where she got that one. And she also texts me sometimes, and I think it’s from my sister. Too smart for their own good I think! :)

  10. I love reading all those stories!
    I rememember a hilarious moment with my aupair kids in Ireland. M. (4 yrs old) wanted to ride J.´s (3 yrs old) bike, but J. didn´t really like that. J. told M. to get off and M. was thinking hard of an excuse to stay put. He frowned, chewed his lip and then spit it out: “But, but, BUT J., I am keeping your handles warm!!”. J. thanked M. for being so kind. I was laughing soooo hard, I will never forget this moment.

  11. I babysit a two year old and he says some things that just make me laugh! Like when we’re reading “Jennifer, read the pages with the words on them!” or when playing baseball he told me “No, you’re not ready to run the bases yet” and one time he was ‘reading’ to me and stopped very suddenly and told me to turn the air conditioning off because he couldn’t read with it on.

    1. Sometimes I can’t read to Skylar until she has like 3 strings of necklaces, 4 plastic rings on, with 7 stuffed animals. Then..we’re ready.

  12. She sounds absolutely charming. Can’t wait until my little one starts chatting us up :) She already has quite the attitude, so who knows what will come out!

    1. Oh just wait it gets better and better :)

      I was reading on your site too that you’re a Dr of PT!! Congrats on being a super smartie and on getting thru all those years of school!

      1. Thanks! I’m a nerd and kind of like school. Now I only work about 16 hours a month on average, haha! I wouldn’t give it up for the world though. I love, love, love it. But I love raising the kiddo too. I’m so blessed to be able to do both.

  13. I love these little stories about Skylar!! Especially about Kim Kardashian getting married “again.”
    It’s true- kids have no filter and speak with honesty, and that’s something that we are taught to suppress (or I guess just be “appropriate” about as we age). My mom has told me many stories about me being very “honest” in public as a child. :)

    Just a note- “Kardashian” was underlined by spell check on my comment. It recommended “Guardianship.” Haha!

  14. Aww- wow, she is so sweet and intelligent already at four!
    You reminded me of a story my parents tell about me at about the same age as Skylar. My Dad was in the shower after doing a lot of hard yard work and naturally was moaning and groaning from sore muscles. I went to the bathroom door and shouted “What’s the matter Daddy? Are you having your period?”

    I hope that your trip to Aruba is relaxing- it sure looks beautiful :)

  15. She sounds absolutely adorable! I’m nowhere near having my own kids but I work with preschoolers, so I get to hear some cute stuff quite often.

  16. Ah, kids are so wise and honest! After working with kids from ages 6 weeks to 16, I know I have a ton of funny things that have happened…but I can’t think of anything specific…When I was little I definitely thought anyone with a little belly was pregnant and called them on it, much to my mom’s horror!

  17. Hahaha!!! I’m addicted to Weddings, Kim Kardashian and Babies just as much as she is I think!

    I love hearing stories of your little dollface, please tell us more!! What a cutie!!! You could never make up what kids say….where do they get this stuff from?! The KEYS cracked my butt up!! OMG!


  18. I’m glad you’re writing these down–priceless. Especially the heartfelt honesty, ‘turning the guy off,’ totally in sync with what everyone else around was wishing too…

  19. This is so great, Averie. You need to write this stuff down, on the blog or somewhere! My mom wrote my funny phrases in my baby book and I love reading them still. My favorite phrases that I said all the time (or so says my mom in my baby book) “I’m a lover” and “That’s not fair”.

    The best story is when my older sister and I were about 5 and 3 and were fighting in a store about boys and girls parts. My mom was walking a bit ahead of us (my aunt was pushing us in a cart) and my sister, to prove she was right, yelled to my mom ‘Right mom, boys have penises and girls have vaginas!?” My mom was only 23 and MORTIFIED because the store was super busy!

  20. When my son was little we used to watch Reading Rainbow, with Levar Burton as the host. For an entire year Storm thought every young black man we ran across was Levar Burton. I specifically remember one time when a black man held the door open for us at the bank and he started yelling “Levar! Levar!” and ran up and hugged him around the legs. (Fortunately he was not insulted when I explained the situation to him.)

  21. Too funny about he saying she was turning the man off! LOL! SO cute! Oh the things kids say!

    She will always remember Aruba vacations, its so great you guys do that, memories she will never forget, so important! <3

  22. That first one with the guy at the pool is just hysterical! I’m constantly floored by our kids friends at how funny they can be at such a young age without even knowing it.

    1. because she’s like a head taller than all kids her age…most people think she’s like 7 or 8. And her speech/vocabulary too…that throws them off!

  23. ahh i love little kids! they have no idea about what is going on and will say anything! I was on the train coming home from work yesterday and a little kid (he was with his dad) turns to me and starts telling me about his fruit snacks that he was eating and abotu what he did at school, as if we had known each other for years. it was the cutest thing!

  24. Ahhaha, those are too funny!
    I can’t recall a funny thing I said at the moment, but I remember a story my Aunt told:
    My grandma called my Aunt’s house and my cousin picked up the phone (she was probably about 7 years old). When my grandma asked if she could talk to my aunt, my cousin relpied: “mommy can’t come to the phone. Her and daddy are taking a shower”.
    Haha, cracks me up every time.

  25. Haha – that last one was too funny. You’ve got a cute little blonde con artist on your hands. Girl knows how to get what she wants ;-)

  26. LOL!! This whole post made me laugh. Skylar sounds adorable! I love the funny (and often very true!) things that kids say.

    My mom was on the bus with me when I was 3 and my sister was just a baby. There was a balding man across the aisle from us, and I asked her in that really LOUD voice that kids use: “Mom, how come that guy has no hair?” Apparently he went so beet red, all the way to the top of his head, and my mom couldn’t answer my question :P

  27. Hahahhahahahaah I love it. So blunt, so awesome. When my niece was little she was terrified of other people’s dogs (they had a dog at the house, but anyone else’s was a threat for some reason). She came home from a friend’s house screaming one day “I DON’T WANT TO GO TO HEAVEN!” When my sister finally got out of her what was going on, the friend she was visiting’s dog had recently died, and she overheard the parents telling the kids that the dog was in heaven. My sister had to make up a story on the fly about how there is dog heaven and people heaven, and dog heaven is kind of like the pound and you can go visit and play with your dog if you want, but dogs can’t get into people heaven, etc. etc. Soooo funny! :)

  28. When I was little and my dad was mowing the lawn, I always called it a “mow lawner” instead of a lawn mower. They haven’t let me forget about that one yet…..

  29. OMG too funny!!! Love love hearing what kids say like that. My sister was the kid who’d say anything to anyway. She once told the preacher, “Hey hey mister…be quite.” after crawling under lines of pews to get to him. My mom was of course mortified. I learned very early on, “Mom, she’s barassing me.”

  30. LMAO. This might be my favorite post of yours! Did the pregnant lady hear her? What did that zen-disturbing man say? I see the wife was sick of him as well lol.

    Oh Skylar…I’ll bet you never have a moment’s boredom with her!

    1. Pregnant lady..we pulled up to a stoplight and she was crossing the road so we were in the car and the woman was outside. Whew. Didn’t hear that comment. But we had a teaching moment about that.

      And the man…he laughed but honestly was a drunky pants and so I don’t fully think he “got it”.

  31. LOL i have a 4 yr old son..and the things that come out of his mouth are soo hilarious.

    Last night i heard him playing angry birds on my moms phone on the rug next to our couch so i yell for him..
    Me: Gabe is that you over there?
    Gabe: “gabes not here, leave a message..beeeeeep”

    1. love it…leave a msg. They’re 4. But in this day and age, leaving msgs is just what they know. My parent’s didn’t get an answering machine <-- antique... til I was in jr high!

  32. I have 4 nieces and nephews that are all about 4 years old and I love when they start talking about something then something they say reminds them of something else and then just go off on another tangent. Seriously, hours of entertainment!

  33. I actually have two stories I especially treasure of my youngest …

    1. She was in first grade and let’s just say she did not do well at all in her wants vs. needs test. I asked her when she showed me her test … I explained wants vs. needs again … stating food, shelter and things you can’t live without are needs … to which she promptly replied … “but mommy, I CAN”T live without my bike!!!!”

    2. I stopped to introduce myself to the new PE teacher … she said she loved my girls but that she had to push Valentina to run … I asked her … Valentina my youngest, the one in first grade (since I was surprised by her statement, being that V never stood still) to which she answered … I know perfectly who is Valentina … and smiled. I went home to ask her why she had to be pushed to run by her teacher and she looked at me with her beautiful green eyes and said …

    “Mommy, why do I have to run when I get there walking just the same”

    I will treasure these words forever … actually she was right on both accounts :)

    Skylar is precious … I would have loved to have seen her turning off that loud man :)

    1. “Mommy, why do I have to run when I get there walking just the same” <-- classic. And sometimes when I am having a hard run, I pretty much think the same thing to myself!

  34. HAHA that is so hilarious and so CUTE! I have a little cousin who is 8 and since I don’t have a facebook I was on her moms trying to find my sister’s page. I was like why can’t I find her, I’m putting in her last name, as I was getting very frustrated… my little cousin says Um maybe try “Blank” which is my sister’s new married name. DUH! She came right up. HAHA!

    1. Skylar has had to tell Scott what his business associate’s last name is before. Dad, you mean John so and so. That John? Yes, that one he’ll say! lol

  35. Hahahaha, thanks for sharing. I especially loved that first one! And I’ve probably watched Kim;s wedding just as many times, its been just about the only show on for weeks as you’ve mentioned.

    1. we get CNN, CNN Headline News, E Channel, and WGN Chicago…and a couple others but nothing you’d want to watch. But if you need any Venezuelan Tv, we’ve got that too :)

  36. Oh my gawd, the keys story is hysterical!

    My little sister and I both said some funny/crazy things when we were little, as did many of the kids I babysat at a teenager.
    The first thing that comes to mind is a quip of my sister’s. My grandpa was one of nine kids, and four of his sisters were nuns. When she was four or five years old, my younger sister asked my mom, “Mom, if the nuns are none, when are they going to be some?” :)

    I used to babysit this one kid that talked in his sleep CONSTANTLY, and said really hilarious and random things. Some highlights I still remember were:
    “Where’s my meatball?”
    “It gets personal, buddy.”
    “Hand me a box of cowboys.”

    I sleeptalked every once in awhile when I was little too, and a couple of my classics were:
    “Show them somebody else’s handprint on the radio.”
    “Everybody loves peanuts.”

    I could go on and on. Haha, I love kid-quips.

    1. Hand me a box of cowboys. <-- in my neighborhood in San Diego, this would go over big with the fellas! There is something to that...god, that could be a theme of some party or something. I love that!!

  37. This post is great, lol. So cute and funny. She seems so smart for her age! You are going to have your hands very full in a few years, LOL. I think you’ll really enjoy it and have fun, though!

    1. I already do which is why we expect big things from her and expect her to walk the line, so to speak. If you let smart children be little smartie pants’, they just walk all over you. You have to lay the law down at age 4, not at age 14. With love of course :)

      My mother always said, to those who God gives great gifts, God expects great things. So I remember that when I am dealing with my little bundle of joy :)

  38. My first joke as a little tot was, “What happens when a horse sticks his head through a fence? He sees a ghost on the other side!” HAHAHA HA HA HA HA A A A HA HA HAAAAAAAAAH A HAH AHAH A HAH